On the evening of Day Five of our family’s pandemic shelter-in-place isolation, my 12-year-old very deliberately and loudly farted on me after I told her to pick up dirty clothing from her bathroom floor. I was not amused by her response and very deliberately and loudly shared my thoughts with her. Which in turn caused her to be outraged at me for failing to appreciate that farting on dad was an obvious joke and I should not be angry with her, she should be angry with me for failing to appreciate her humor. It escalated from there.
What was remarkable is the farting incident was the first notable negative outburst in our home since my wife and I decided early on to restrict our social interactions as our small effort in the larger campaign to limit and slow the spread of the coronavirus. We made the decision without fully thinking through the fact that we both can be strong-willed and opinionated and that we have passed those traits on to our children. Under the best circumstances, we can be noisy and disagreeable over issues big and small. Lock us into a confined space for an indefinite period and it could turn into a goat rodeo in a big hurry. Yet so far into our self-imposed isolationism, our collective behavior has been, farting incident aside, pleasantly agreeable.
The kids deserve much of the credit. Our sixth-grader’s last day of class was March 13. Our college freshman came home on March 15. Both have extended spring breaks through the end of March and then begin remote learning for the rest of the school year. Our college kid is forgoing a trip to Colorado with friends, opportunities to work and save money, as well as any of the freedoms earned by typical 18-year-olds home from college. She has not complained or lashed out or sulked. Instead, she has engaged her 12-year-old sister in constructive activities, including “bullet journaling” which is the process of using a blank journal to create your own daily planner/life organize. They go on daily walks. They’ve been to a local park to shoot baskets. They’ve taken a yoga class from a YouTube video. They cleaned and organized the junk drawer in the kitchen.
Our youngest is an extrovert and extreme social animal. In normal times, she plays on competitive soccer and basketball teams and up until last week had practice or games most days of the week as an outlet for her extra energy. In her ideal world, she hangs out with her large circle of friends just doing stuff. Our no-in-person-contact-with-friends rule hit her hard. She needs her people. I am proud of her for managing her disappointment and understanding her personal sacrifice is part or a broader effort. And thanks to social media she still can interact with friends. Yesterday she demonstrated that it’s possible to converse on FaceTime with four friends simultaneously while also grabbing a snack from the kitchen pantry.
Not all of my kids’ peers have been as limited in their in-person interactions as my kids have been, of which they are regularly reminded through social media connections. I know they must feel like they are missing out but they’ve understood. Admittedly, we’ve drawn a harder line on social distancing than some. Did we make the best decision? Could we loosen some of our restrictions? Honestly, we don’t know. But it feels right for us (and is increasingly the rule many communities, cities, and entire states).
Outdoor bike rides and neighborhood walks to break the monotony are encouraged but we consciously maintain the recommended six-foot distance from friends and neighbors we see on the street. Especially those neighbors who share long, seemingly pointless, stories and aren’t good at reading social cues. Currently, in my state of Maryland, bars, restaurants, gyms, and movie theaters have been ordered closed and we limit trips to the grocery and liquor stores. But Governor Hogan, please consider this notice: if you shut down the liquor stores, I will riot in the streets (careful, of course, to maintain a six-foot distance from fellow rioters).
Outdoor bike rides and neighborhood walks to break the monotony are encouraged but we consciously maintain the recommended six-foot distance from friends and neighbors we see on the street. Especially those neighbors who share long, seemingly pointless, stories and aren’t good at reading social cues. Currently, in my state of Maryland, bars, restaurants, gyms, and movie theaters have been ordered closed and we limit trips to the grocery and liquor stores. But Governor Hogan, please consider this notice: if you shut down the liquor stores, I will riot in the streets (careful, of course, to maintain a six-foot distance from fellow rioters).
My wife and I are fortunate in many ways. Our jobs are not in danger. We are both able to work from home. We have healthy immune systems. We’re old, but not at increased risk to die from COVID-19 old. And we have good kids even if at times they will literally fart on us when we tell them to pick up their dirty clothes. I plan to spend more time blogging during my confinement because it helps me organize my thinking and maybe share experiences with similarly situated friends. For instance, I have some thoughts about what it’s like to work in the same space as your spouse. You can learn a lot about a person when you are forced to hear them talk on conference calls 10 hours a day. I also have thoughts about sheltering in place with someone who has already ordered a rototiller and ingredients to make our own hand sanitizer from Amazon. What is happening? We are not the fucking Little House on the Prairie!
Or maybe that’s where all of this is heading. Stay tuned. Maybe you can use our rototiller to start your victory garden in exchange for a roll of toilet paper.
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