What your favorite TV show says about you

Apologies in advance to anyone I have failed to offend.

Duck Dynasty: I like to wear camo and shoot ducks. I prefer large, powerful, gun-toting men with beards and I am definitely heterosexual. Definitely. One hundred percent. No question.

Breaking Bad: I am white and have never done anything dangerous in my entire life.

Monday Night Football: I like beer and gladiators.

CNN: I like to pretend that I’m independent.

Fox News: I am interested gold hoarding and learning more about products for incontinence, erectile dysfunction, and low testosterone.

MSNBC: I am interested in green energy and learning more about products for incontinence, erectile dysfunction, and low testosterone. Also, prison documentaries.

Mad Men: I long for a simpler time when attractive people dressed in nice clothes and had sex with each other at work while smoking and drinking.

American Idol: My kids cringe when I sing in the car but I don’t think I sound that bad.  

Wheel of Fortune: I am a senior citizen. I love my cat.

Downton Abbey: I am insufferably superior and slow to pick up on social cues that people don’t want to hear about my favorite show.

The Daily Show: I mistakenly believe that I’m more informed than you. I support legalizing marijuana.

Game of Thrones: I get HBO and you don’t.

The Big Bang Theory: I thought it was about something else, but stayed because I was too lazy to change channels.

Glee: My emotional maturity is not unlike the emotional maturity of a twelve-year-old and I love show tunes.

The Bachelor: Watching people in hot tubs has always interested me. I don’t read much.

Law and Order: I like to lay in bed and binge-watch TV.

Tonight Show with Jay Leno: I like my late night TV show hosts like I like my coffee: not funny.

American Dad: I am not overly concerned with my personal hygiene or what my spouse thinks of me.

Arrested Development: Aren’t I quirky? (No)

And finally:

The Simpsons: My superpower is the ability to analogize real-life situations to episodes of my favorite television show.