We all understand that applying for a job is an invitation
to be googled, right? I mention this because it’s time again to review and
evaluate summer law clerk applications in my office. Also, as a
consequence of being married to a ridiculously talented woman, I will soon be
looking for work in another city. More on that in a later post. But all of this made me wonder what prospective employers might learn about
me in this brave new digital world. Because, um, I have put a lot of personal shit
stuff out there that could influence what hiring officials might think of me. Seriously, the Internet was still a baby the last time I updated my resume.
So as a service to anyone who might ever be tasked with
reviewing and evaluating me as a prospective employee, I went ahead and dug into and summarized my own digital past, saving you the need to do your own invasive
snooping due diligence.
Internet stalking research is not that
difficult, really. If you type in my name and the city where I live and then click "search," the first screen page you see will reveal that I have a Twitter
account where I have posted hundreds of tweets. Likewise you will discover that I write a blog
based on my life as a middle-aged, middle-class government attorney who plays the part of hapless dad and husband in a household of strong and confident girls.
Then there is the stuff that comes from
sources other than me. A rudimentary online search would reveal information
from plenty of sources beyond my control, all within the first few screen pages: the name of my wife and all of my in-laws (an online obituary), the fact
that I go by my middle name, my age, my home telephone number, my membership in
the Wyoming State Bar since 2001, as well as results for nearly every running
event I’ve entered in the last decade, including my time, distance, and order
of finish. There’s also this: I share the same name as a former Utah State
football star who years ago played in the NFL but died recently. RIP, guy
with same name as me. Ultimately, though, I unfortunately located no NSFW home movies of me and Lindsay Lohan nor any evidence of engaging in unseemly conduct such as running for Congress.
But back to the Internet content about me that I do control. I should
note that whatever I post, I post with the understanding that it is available
for public consumption. A fair amount of self-editing goes into
whatever I post. If I put it out there, I’m prepared for the consequences.
Therefore if easily offended tight-asses people fail to appreciate irony
and irreverence and hold that against me, I can live with that.
In addition to my blog and Twitter account, I am a serial
Facebook status updater, commenter, and photo poster. Although I have privacy
settings that limit who can see my information on Facebook, I assume that
anything I put there is in the public domain. In fact, if you sent me a
“friend” request and, if I have never met you, a brief message explaining the reason for your request, I would probably accept it unless my own stalking reveals
that you are too much of a douche.
Below, for your convenience, I have analyzed all the online content I have posted on the Internet and summarized it in a form that you might received from a private investigator hired to look into my online profile:
- father of two adorably photogenic daughters who say many, many adorable and amusing things.
- adores his wife, an extraordinarily smart, talented, and beautiful woman who is plainly out of his league.
- doesn't comment on photos of cute animals very often.
- likes to pretend that he follows college football and cares about the outcome of games.
- started a blog about books and reading with his eleven-year-old daughter (bookmonkeys.blogspot.com) but has neglected it lately.
- is in a complicated relationship with the Seattle Mariners baseball organization.
- occasionally practices the disingenuous art of #humblebrag.
- has discovered Jameson Irish whiskey gives off a fine smoky glow.
That's online me in a nutshell. Now that I may soon be in the job market, perhaps I need to work on being the best non-offensive me that I can be. I admit that I’m a long way from controversial or edgy. I’m more like the pale-green colored guest room in our basement - not exactly bland but certainly not loud and obnoxious. Will potential buyers find it off putting? Should we paint it beige?Just to be safe? You know what?
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